Don't get me wrong, I am beyond thrilled to be in Grad School.
After struggling/working for a year after I finished my undergrad program, I am so happy to have finally entered serious academia. I do not, I promise, want to go back to my job from my year off (nannying), or revisit any of my angst ridden journal entries from that time (why is nannying so terrible?!). Overall, I am thrilled to be in my program. I am grateful. I am focused. Things should be awesome.
So, why is it still so hard for me to research and write about French Symbolism?
I mean, come on. This should be easy!!!! My professor is brilliant, the class lectures are fascinating, and I even wrote about French Symbolists two years ago -- what's the problem here? My paper topic is relevant and, as far as I know, pretty original, so all of this really should be exciting....but every time I go to actually read a couple of the articles I found that I know full well are relevant and helpful I go and do something, anything else (like start a blog, for example).
The thing is, I just. Don't. Care. I don't care about Mallarmé, Baudelaire, and their influence on Symbolist artists. I don't care about how Huysmans was influenced by Symbolist painting. I don't care about the differences between the Symbolists, Romantics, and Decadents. Honestly, does any of that sound really gripping to you?
(If the answer is yes, please come help me write my paper).
What I really want to do is research things that I am interested in...but I'm pretty sure that's not going to happen until I'm allowed to write my dissertation. In the meantime, you all get to hear about the mundane parts of a graduate student's life as I put off reading....oh God. This article is called "Naming and Not Naming: Tennyson and Mallarmé." This is going to be brutal.
...I really am happy to be here. I promise.
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